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Answers (6)

EXPERT
Amy Levine, MA, CSE (Sex Coach & Sexuality Educator) answered

Many people rely on the same old ways that may lead to satisfaction, and after a while what used to work becomes stale, so to speak.  When I work with couples who are in a sex rut and want to spice it up, I encourage them to make a list of all the things they need, want and desire, as well as what they want to try in and out of bed. What's on your bucket list?  Compare things that are similar, and be open to trying what your partner suggests (assuming it's safe, consensual and potentially pleasurable).

Out of Bed: Remember what it felt like when you first met?  Increasing dopamine levels, by doing novel things can surely make things spicy again.  It doesn't mean you have to go skydiving, it can be as simple as cooking together, going to a show, exploring a new place in your city together - along similar lines to what Dr. Season said. Do activities that engage the senses.  Remember, foreplay begins before you hit the sheets.  So, even if you do an activity that's not sexual, it can definitely increase your connection to your partner and make you feel closer - the perfect set-up for hot sex.

In Bed (or wherever you may want to get it on):  What have you been wanting to try, even if it's just once?  It may be certain positions, sharing fantasies, experimenting with toys and other props like bondage tape, erotic talk, etc.  If you need ideas, go to the bookstore and flip through books that lists a ton of things to try.  Pick out your favorite read and buy the book. Later when you're home, close your eyes, flip through the pages and point to something you'll try that night.  Some of my favorite books are listed here: http://www.igniteyourpleasure.com/store/

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EXPERT
Stephen Snyder, MD (Sex and Relationship Expert) answered
Take a step back from each other.  
Look at each other without looking away.

Every day, tell your partner one thing you ordinarily wouldn't tell them.
Be prepared for them to do the same.

Breathe together.
Feel each other's heartbeat.

When out to dinner, don't sit at a table.  
Sit at the bar.

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EXPERT
Dr. Dana Season (Clinical Psychologist) answered
Doing new and exciting things together can create intimacy and spice! Even a day trip somewhere you have not been or somewhere fun can be stimulating. The reason vacations create excitement is because you are removed from your everyday life and connecting with each other, it's fantasy. Planning a beach day with some happy hour cocktails and dessert at home is probably enough to get you and your partner excited. Ask them what their fantasies are and try to create something similar. Let go of feeling embarrassed and try to focus on your partners pleasure and the pleasure you will experience by pleasing them. Take a trip to an adult sex toy shop to indulge in items that increase pleasure. Wear some lingerie on a random and unexpected night. Be direct with your partner and tell them what turns you on and what you want from them. Spice is important in a relationship, so talk about it with your partner, gets ideas from friends and allow yourself to explore your own fantasies.
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EXPERT
Daniela Tempesta, LCSW (Psychotherapist) answered
It is very easy once we have gotten comfortable in a relationship to let the busyness of our lives take over and to put the little things that keep the relationship exciting on the back burner.  There are a lot of easy things, that don't take much time, that we can do to keep our relationship "spicy" but we have to be intentional about it. Set an intention of one thing you can do a day to keep your partner feeling cared about or desirable. 

For example, if you live with your partner, you could commit to greeting your loved one at the door with enthusiasm and excitement each day. A friend once told me "greet your partner at the door the way a dog greets you when you get home." It sounds like a funny concept, but it makes sense. Think about how good it feels to come home to your puppy because of the dancing, joyous reception they give you! It makes you feel special and appreciated.  Even if you are busy, tired, frustrated, or right in the middle of another project, you can commit to taking 5 minutes to put everything else aside so that you can shower your partner with affection and love when they walk through the door. At the end of the day we all want to feel special and this is a simple way to do that in a relationship. 
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EXPERT
Erena DiGonis (Licensed Social Worker and Certified Health Coach) answered
Great tips above!  Another way of spicing up a relationship is focusing on gratitude, what you love about your significant other and showing it.  This emotional and mental shift in thinking and being really can rekindle a relationship.  Maybe you love how your partner makes the coffee in the morning and puts your mug out or gets a chick flick for you from the Red Box or maybe you love how he treats your friends and family.  I don't know about you be these types of things are a real turn on about someone. Take a few minutes and think about what you are grateful about.

The other part is small acts of affection expressing your gratitude.  My favorite is writing something in lipstick on the bathroom mirror.  How about a sexy text message or note?  I always say that foreplay starts from the moment you wake up and when you appreciate your significant other on this deeper level, the physical can only HOT!

Enjoy :)

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Queen Brown answered
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