Should you avoid sleeping with a guy on the first date?

Even if you really want to...

Answers (6)

Dr. Carole Altman, PhD (Sex Therapist) answered (8/14/2012)

Relationships are based on the 3 r's, Respect, Responsibility and Recognition. Sexual pleasure is also necessary but if experienced without a foundation of the 3r's, often an unappreciated ship that passes in the night. My book DON'T HAVE SEX UNTIL YOU READ THIS BOOK, is a guide to a lasting and loving
relationship. It is a guide to dating, to loving and to being loved. It is on Kindle and I suggest you check it out. Sex on the first date is often, first and last sex. Too many of the women I speak to are depressed and surprised when that 'call' does not come.
Be discriminating unless you want a sexy night with an Adonis, and don't expect any more. If you have expectations - wait.

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EXPERT

Steven Davidson, LCSW, CST (Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Sex Therapist) answered (11/19/2012)

There are lots of reasons to consider if you should have sex with someone. None of the reasons that come to mind for me have anything to do with what date it is. What is your goal? If the goal is to simply have sex, why pass up the opportunity? If the goal is to determine if he is someone you want a long term relationship with, I suggest getting to know him better.

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LizC answered (1/12/2012)

If he is a perfect 10 surfer, in town for one night from New Zealand, then I say go for it!

If you are a 7 or 8 and find your "7.5" soulmate, be wary, even if you like the same bands and OKCupid algorithms insist your a perfect match. Make those guys work for it. Or they will lose interest, and you won't get any steak dinners.

Avoid having more than 2 drinks of alcohol on a date if you're not with friends. No girl has ever regretted having waited, and I hope that does not come across as sexist or cheesy. Hope that helps, and be safe :)!

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Meghan commented (1/12/2012)

Haha this is hilarious...and so true!!

Tatiana J. commented (6/7/2012)

Haha. I was gearing up for an answer, and then read LizC's. This should be a manifesto for women going on first dates.

Anonymous answered (7/16/2012)

MOST DEFINITELY! use a vibrator

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NEJ commented (8/14/2012)

agreed!

Josephine R. answered (6/15/2012)

LOVE LizC's answer! In my opinion, you are always better off waiting. I know so many guys who have much more respect for a girl if she makes him work for it. Frankly, I like the thought of gaining a bit of control/power, and holding out is one way to do that. Plus you know that if you hold out, if you do decide to sleep with him, it's because you've given it more thought (and are, hopefully, less likely to regret it!).

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Anonymous answered (6/18/2012)

When I was single and debating this myself, I reflected on the traditional adage that LizC gives above: "Make those guys work for it. Or they will lose interest, and you won't get any steak dinners." (Aside: is your goal in dating getting steak dinners?? I hope not!) However, I came to a different conclusion. I think having sex is a lot of fun, and I wanted to end up with a man who respected me and my sexual drive and independence. I was 22 the first time I had sex. I was 25 before I started having sex semi-regularly. I was living in a big city that year and had a lot of fun, shagging and otherwise. When I was 26, I met a guy at the airport. A few months later, I happened to be in his city for work. We had sex the first day we saw each other again. Now it's five years later, and we're very happily married with a daughter. Were there guys along the way that were just one night stands? Sure, but I was fine with that. You should do what feels right and true to your own self. Don't try to contort yourself to get a guy. Be yourself and you'll attract the kind of person you'll enjoy being with for the long haul.

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Anonymous commented (6/18/2012)

YES, thank you for this answer! You definitely can get what you're seeking in the relationship department without compromising yourself or being full of regrets. I'm in a similar situation - not married, but in a long term relationship with someone I didn't play innocent with for 3 - 5 dinner dates.