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Amy Levine, MA, CSE(Sex Coach & Sexuality Educator)answered(8/1/2012)How do you classify "being turned on" and what aspects of porn do you enjoy. This will allow me to play detective and follow-up with a clearer answer.
The easiest way to describe it is the idea excites me and I get a little aroused, but when I am with someone, I just don't feel anything. I want, but I don't. As for porn, I like straight, gay, lesbian, threesomes. Pretty much anything short of fetishes and violence. I'm not into BDSM or anything really strange.
Amy Levine, MA, CSE(Sex Coach & Sexuality Educator)answered(8/2/2012)This topic is more multi-facted than what I can address in this answer. If you're concerned there is a physical cause, I would ask your doc. And, if you think there may be a psychological culprit, I would suggest talking with a sex therapist. However, it could also be helpful to see if you can shift your thinking about arousal. Being open to exploration to see what works and doesn't may change your feelings and cause feel-good sensations.
Perhaps one facet is that you've "conditioned" your body, so to speak, to respond to the visual stimulation you're watching. I wonder what you tried with a partner(s) that causes you not to feel anything. Maybe make a list of what turns you and compare it to what you've done with a partner that doesn't do anything.
Taking the elements of what you like in porn (types of behaviors, gender combinations, positions, pleasure props, etc.) and either acting on them or just using them as fantasy may make a difference. Try this to get started and see what happens.
Michelle Brock(Certified Life Coach & Hypnotist)answered(8/11/2012)This is a really interesting question, and I agree that it is a multifaceted and complex issue. I am not at all against porn, I think that it can play a positive role in our sexuality, but I think it is important to understand what it does to our psyche. Watching porn allows you to disconnect intimacy from arousal. Not that there is not a lot you can explore about yourself by watching pornography, delve into your fantasies and deep desires, as well as indulge in erotic voyeurism, but sex with a partner is a different thing altogether. Sex for us humans is very mental as well as physical. And, with the right partner, sex can also be a deeply spiritual experience as well. Monogamous sex with another person is about connecting, opening yourself up to another, being vulnerable, exploring, and letting go of boundaries. Watching porn is a distraction from this, when we watch it it literally takes ourselves out of the experience. I would start here by really examining your issues surrounding intimacy, which is probably best done with a professional. Delve into your fears, and really examine what is preventing you from opening up and making you want to hide from your partner. There is a long list of potential answers to this question ranging from a history of abuse to having had your heart broken before, or issues surrounding your parents relationship and what you were taught about sex, love and intimacy when you were a child, etc. etc. Also, examine your choice of partner- are you unconsciously picking men that are reflecting this pattern? If you decide to do this deep, inner work with a partner, going to see a therapist as a couple can help you work together to find a way not only to turn each other on, but create a hot sex life with each other that will be a lasting one. But, it is important to know that there is no man who will magically show up and have mind-blowing sex with you. This is something that you will need to work to heal over time, whether it is with the support of a partner or on your own.
