Q:

I feel like I'm starting to get into a constant pattern of eating or shopping to fill an emotional void. How can I break out of this pattern?

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Answers (17)

EXPERT
Dr. Melanie Zermeno, MD (Psychiatrist) answered (6/15/2011)

It is very common to "self medicate" sadness, worry, or boredom with food or shopping. While popping a few M&Ms or buying a new handbag might feel good at the time, the effect is only temporary at best. If done consistently to cope with uncomfortable emotions, serious financial and weight problems can develop.

The first step in breaking this pattern is to be mindful of it. That is, to not try to fight it, but to be an impartial observer of your behavior. Keep a log of the dates and times you eat or shop, what you bought or ate and what your mood was like right before. This will help you identify planned meals or shopping trips from unplanned emotional eating and spending.

As you become more accustomed to the charting process, begin to log your thoughts just prior to shopping or eating. Were you thinking about a recent breakup? The upcoming deadline at work? Chances are these thoughts triggered uncomfortable feelings of sadness or worry. Eating or shopping served to comfort, numb or distract you from these feelings, but for how long? How did you feel afterward? Guilty about the extra credit card debt? Angry with yourself over the unwanted calories?

The next step is the action phase. Create a list of alternative ways to deal with boredom or sadness. Think about the things that normally make you feel good without backfiring on you later, like calling a friend, going for a walk, listening to music, or reading a book. As you begin to feel the urge to shop or eat, stop for a moment to take an inventory of your thoughts and feelings. Did you plan to eat or shop at this time? If not, what were you just thinking about and what is your mood like? If you are indeed feeling upset or simply bored, take a glance at your list of alternative behaviors and pick one that you can do right away.

With a bit of practice, you can create a new pattern of behavior that will help you more effectively cope with stressors.

 

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EXPERT
Dr. Tracy Thomas (Licensed Psychologist) answered (7/15/2012)
I agree with what was said already. The main thing is to figure out what the true need is that is trying to be filled with things that can never really fill it, and address that need. If you keep "consuming" things to address a need that has nothing to do with the need for food or goods, then you will eat and shop your way into trouble and never really heal what needs to be healed. Start with non-judgment and curiosity and ask yourself "what is it that I'm feeling?" And "what is it that that I really need?" Because if you really needed another snack or another pair of shoes, you'd actually feel satisfied when you got them; instead people generally continue to consume the same things finding less and less satisfaction and creating a secondary problem that looks like "it is the problem" when it's really the symptom. When you have an urge for "consumption" stop yourself and inquire.
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EXPERT
Andrea Labis, LCSW-R (Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist, Private Practice) answered (7/29/2012)
In addition to the wonderful responses, I would add one thought of preparation--be ready to be uncomfortable. Your habit of filling the void with food or a purchase will be challenged when you "sit" with your feelings.  In the beginning, you may find this unsettling; you've been accustomed to hitting the "ignore" button on your "internal IMs"--feelings have been pushed away and needs insufficiently met through a "fix." With a little time and patience, you will truly learn to welcome these messages and live your own truth by appreciating your process and truly knowing what you think and feel. Those initial feelings of discomfort will surely give way to a sense of relief--you will be living your own truth; THAT is worth more than ANY snack or shopping spree.
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EXPERT
Carlene Thomas RD (Registered Dietitian, Nutrition Expert ) answered (7/15/2012)
Non- hunger eating is a trap many of us can fall into. As a 'Mindful Eating' supporter, I know many people must try, try and try again to be aware of their eating habits. And it sounds like you've already noticed some non-hunger eating habits. How about keeping a journal or chart to track your habits? Take a day and chart the times you eat, what you eat, where you eat, and your level of hunger on a scale of 1-10. You may notice things trigger your non hunger eating, like being home alone after work. Perhaps watching a movie makes you feel lonely and you turn to food. Being aware of triggers may help you know when to turn to a list of alternative ways to deal with emotions (as already mentioned).
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EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
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EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
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EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
More On ChickRx:
EXPERT
Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Licensed Clinical Psychologist) answered (11/10/2012)
You already made an big step in identifying that you are using shopping and eating as ways to fill an emotional hole - the real danger is when you don't see that association - and do these things blindly.  That then takes you to finding other ways to address the void with something that can actually address it rather than numb it.  This can be anything ranging from therapy, exercise, meditation/mindfulness, time with friends, exploring your interests etc. When you have something you care about doing - there are few better palliatives to addressing emotional emptiness.  Armed with this knowledge, it is critical to monitor yourself.  Before you start eating or shopping - check in with yourself and ask yourself what you are feeling or what you are trying to distract yourself from.  If you are not hungry and are feeling sad or lonely - then put the food down.  If you are shopping at times of depletion - check in with yourself and ask yourself the difference between want and need - when people shop for emotional reasons - they often think they "need" the item they are shopping for, but when the question is really pushed - nobody really "needs" 5 pairs of black shoes etc - and even after the shopping is done - the emptiness will remain.  Good luck!  
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