6 Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble

Experts Warn to Watch Out for These Red Flags

Call them “love blinders” or whatever you want, but oftentimes, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it’s hard to see and admit that fact. Whether you choose to break up or work on improving things, the first step to achieving your potential happiness is recognizing that things aren’t how they should be. Our ChickRx experts weigh in on the red flags of an unhealthy relationship, and what you should know not to stand for:

1. You Feel Limited in Your Own Potential
Unhealthy relationships stifle one another's growth and see the growth of each individual as a threat to the relationship. If you have a partner who is threatened by your desire to pursue higher learning or to go after a promotion to a more challenging position at work, a partner who puts you down when you express your opinions, ideas, or preferences, or generally derides them as "stupid" or "foolish," this is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. 
- Lisa Bograd, Marriage and Family Therapist 

It's important to be with a partner who brings out the best in us, and to feel comfortable being the best version of ourselves with that person.
- Amy Levine, Sex Coach and Sexuality Educator 

2. You Feel Anxious or Always At Fault
If you are always anxious about what your partner is doing or how they feel for you, this will eat away at the relationship and your own sense of self. It's important to determine what the root of the anxiety is—is it your own insecurities and unresolved issues or is your partner behaving poorly and giving you good reason to feel anxious all the time? If it's the latter, this needs to be addressed.

Is your partner constantly making you feel guilty for any slight misstep? When you try to confront your partner about something they did, do they find a way to turn it around and make you feel badly? It is important that both parties can take responsibilities for their actions and that there is an even distribution of power.
- Daniela Tempesta, Psychotherapist

3. You're Investing More
If someone tells you that they are interested in a relationship but their actions do not match their words, that is important information. This person may have commitment or intimacy issues, and you can address them and see if change occurs. Be mindful if you find yourself continuously attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable. Perhaps you do not feel you are worthy of receiving love, or maybe you are afraid to let someone truly see you.
- Dana Season, Clinical Psychologist

All relationships require effort by both parties. Unequal effort  = unhealthy relationship. If your partner isn’t putting equal effort into making the relationship work, the potential lifespan of your relationship is limited…Furthermore, if you are the one doing most of the work you are going to end up feeling resentful and exhausted.
- Daniela Tempesta, Psychotherapist

4. You’re in a Relationship with Who Your Partner Could Be, Not Who They Are Now 
One of the things I hear most often from people who stayed in unhealthy relationships too long is, “I just kept waiting for my partner to change but they never did and eventually I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Just because we love and care about someone doesn’t mean they are right for us…There may be some minor things that annoy us that can be worked on to alter the relationship in a positive direction, but for the most part your partner should not violate any of your deal-breakers. Instead of wasting time waiting around for your partner to change, get out there and meet other people who better fit what you are looking for.
- Daniela Tempesta, Psychotherapist

5. You Can't Express Yourself Authentically
Some types of unhealthy relationships are characterized by silent desperation borne of a fear of expressing ones true self, a kind of conflict avoidance in extreme. These couples do not suffer from contemptuousness as much as they suffer from a genuine warmth and intimacy; there is a sense of coldness and distance that characterizes this type of unhealthy relationship that stems from a distrust that the other person can really accept them for who they are, or that the relationship can tolerate conflict of any kind.
- Lisa Bograd, Marriage and Family Therapist

6. There's Physical, Verbal or Emotional Abuse
No one has the right to hurt, demean, humiliate, or threaten you. No matter what your partner may promise you this behavior is likely to continue. For your own safety and well-being you need to leave the relationship as soon as possible. Leaving a harmful relationship can be very difficult because the abuse comprises our own sense of worth.

Reach out for help--you don’t have to do this alone. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship check out the resources on National Domestic Violence Hotline page or the National Dating Abuse Helpline.
- Daniela Tempesta, Psychotherapist

Check out the full expert discussion and add share what you think are red flags of an unhealthy relationship here.  
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Franka C. commented
your thoughts?
Anonymous commented
These are all amazing insights, I think. I have been in relationships before where some of these issues were present, but I didn't realize at the time how much of a deal-breaker they really were. It's good to be honest with yourself and recognize when there are problems. Of course try to work on those problems, but if they don't get better, you can't sacrifice your growth or happiness to stay on a sinking ship. Don't stay with someone because you love how you guys used to be together, or who you wish you could be together; stay because you love who you are together.
Anonymous commented
may help...i don't know
CharleyRLGibson commented
I am engaged to a man, we have a great relationship but ONE of these topics are present in the relationship that I am not too happy about, should I be worried or is it time to sit down with him and talk about this issue before I give him my life...?
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